San Diego Divorce Lawyer Blog
Aaron’s and Jessica’s marriage was on its final leg, and after trying to maintain the façade of a happy marriage for their children, they decided to part ways. However, even though they decide to separate, they were worried about the impact that it would have on their children.
Divorce can be devastating on a family and have a traumatic impact on children. Most adults have trouble dealing and adjusting with the process of divorce and it impacts the children of the relationship more drastically and may cause future issues.
The effects of divorce on children can be long-lasting and may negatively impact their way of dealing with their future relationships. Studies have shown that in the United States, daughters of divorced parents have a 60% higher divorce rate as compared to those who have non-divorced parents.
First Year After Divorce Is The Toughest
Research shows that the first few years after a divorce are the most traumatic on children. During this time, children normally experience anger, pain, guilt, disbelief, and distress; yet many children seem to bounce back. The child’s ability to bounce back is based on their intellectual level and how their parent copes with the divorce in front of them. After a while, children begin to focus in on their daily routines, accept the reality, and adapt to the new arrangements.
However, some children never really seem to be the same after their parents’ divorce. A small percentage of children may experience ongoing and possibly lifetime issues after the divorce. If your child is having a difficult time coping with your divorce, it may be best to have them speak with a counselor or therapist.
How Are Children Emotionally Affected?
A child may feel:
- Angry at both or a parent for the separation.
- Alone.
- Insecure and rejected.
- Torn between both parents.
- Sense of loss – separation from parents leaves a feeling of emptiness and confusion with the drastic change in their life.
These feeling often get worse as many children have to move from their home and sometimes even change school after the separation. Many families also come under financial stress even if they were financially stable before the divorce.
Even if the parental relationship had been violent or stressful, children may still feel differently about the separation. Many children deeply desire parents stay together. Your child may also be scared of the new child custody and visitation arrangement and may need time to adjust to the new living situation.
How Can You Help?
Parents who are opting for divorce can help their children simply by doing these simple steps:
- Protect your children from adult worries and responsibilities.
- Make sure they know that the divorce is not their fault.
- Reaffirm that both parents love them unconditionally.
- Be open and honest when they ask questions; however, do not discuss the ongoing case and blame the other parent.
- Spend extra time with your children and remind them how much you care about them.
- Be responsible with your parenting time.
Things You Should not Do
- Never ask your child to take sides.
- Never ask your child about the other parent.
- Do not criticize the other parent in front of your children.
- Never use your child as a surrogate for your ex-spouse.
If you are finding it difficult to deal with your child during the divorce phase, you can seek additional help. Your divorce attorney will be able to help you with sound advice and support. Some families need extra help for their children; however, if managed sensibly and sensitively, most children adapt well with the new circumstances and do not face long-term issues. For more information give us a call today at 800-769-4748 and get a 30 minutes free legal advice from an experienced divorce attorney in San Diego.
