San Diego Divorce in 2012: Five Things a Divorce May Not Fix

All families in San Diego face challenges in one form or another. No marriage is perfect. And when your family is in crisis, you may wonder if a divorce is the answer to your family’s problems. However, some common problems that often trigger divorces may linger long after the ink is dry on the final decree. It is important to know what a realistic expectation would be if your case and issues were before a San Diego Superior Court Judge. No one has a crystal ball or can foresee into the future but the law in San Diego under the California Family Law Code applies to all cases including yours.

Unemployment
Unemployment is high in San Diego. Many San Diego residents who worked for companies for many years are being laid off and some large companies have closed. If one party is unemployed, it creates a financial and emotional strain on the family. It can sometimes be difficult to determine if a party is unable to find work or unwilling to work. Friends and family may advise you to “dump the bum,” but under California law, an unemployed spouse may be entitled to spousal support even after the divorce is final. You need to investigate the law, evidence and facts of your case to learn more about spousal support before placing yourself in a vulnerable position.

Foreclosure and Other Financial Disasters
As a general rule, the immediate aftermath of a divorce has a negative financial impact on both parties. The expense of setting up separate households, division of debts by the court, and other unanticipated needs combine to intensify financial challenges. A divorce will neither delay nor stop foreclosures and repossessions. A bankruptcy may be the only answer for some San Diego spouses going through a divorce since it may be that neither is able to afford to pay alone. Many households are having problems paying the current mortgage with both incomes and living together.

A Problem Child
If one of your children has behavioral issues, it may be tempting to place blame on the other parent. However, unless there is a clear pattern of emotional, physical or sexual abuse by the other parent, the child’s issues may be worsened by a breakup of the family. As a single parent, you may not be able to provide the necessary level of supervision required by a problem child. Obtaining professional counseling for the child may be critical, especially if a divorce is imminent. You and your spouse may be divorcing but you are not divorcing your children. It is important to discuss with your spouse what the child care and other arrangements may be for a child with behavioral issues since a divorce may exacerbate the conduct and may even worsen and especially during a contentious divorce.

Aging Issues
As one grows older, one often feels trapped by family responsibilities. Your spouse isn’t as attractive as you remember. You’re running out of time and energy to have fun. That won’t change if you’re divorced. You’ll still have bills to pay. A change in partner won’t stop aging. And trading in your old faithful spouse for a younger model can bring a whole new set of problems. No one is presumptuous enough to tell someone else what to do. If you are unhappy in your marriage and believe your life will be better after you no longer are married and live together, then this is a personal and unilateral decision. There are many therapists and counselors who work with spouses to try and help them communicate and work towards their common goals of which one is normally to remain married.

Unreal Expectations
There’s no such thing as “happily ever after.” The best most people can hope for is “reasonably content, most of the time.” Many people go through multiple divorces in search of the perfect marriage. Again, only you can make these highly personal decisions. It is said that “the past can be an indicator of the future” and this has proved true in the past. Do your best to get realistic expectations from family and friends who you know and trust and can advise you.

What a Divorce MAY Fix
Over time, couples can grow apart. Priorities and aspirations can change. A divorce can give you a fresh start more in line with the direction you want to go. If you want to divorce, then consider all of the advantages and disadvantages before filing for a divorce. Normally, once the divorce is filed there is no “going back”.

If you’re considering divorce, it’s important to have the facts. To learn more about San Diego divorce, contact us online or call our office at 858-312-8500 for a free initial consultation.

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